The Offside Treble – ‘Humpty Dumpty’ head of FIFA, Ex Manchester United Skipper hates the colour blue plus Wenger vs. Mourinho

The European Qualifiers have taken centre stage this week, but whilst we take a break from International action, let’s take a look at some of the stories you may have missed.

Sepp Blatter

Get Out (Leave)

As focus shifts to Euro qualifiers, bane of England’s international footballing life, Sepp “Dungeon Master” (that’ll pretty much only make sense if you grew up in the 80’s) Blatter is tediously in the news again. In a MASSIVE digression from the norm, Blatter, who is planning to stand for/impose his fourth term of Fifa presidency, is criticised for not publishing a report into the totally above-board bidding process for the 2018 and 2022 World Cups.

This time, an “expert in transparency”, Michael Hershman, is having a pop, telling BBC Sport that Fifa’s credibility cannot be restored with Humpty Dumpty at the helm of its good ship. I agree with him for a number of reasons, not least because Mr Blatter looks like a fictional egg, but how can someone be an “expert in transparency” over anyone else? Isn’t that the point of transparency? Can’t anyone see through transparency? Plus I don’t understand your job title, Mr Hersham, former member of the world governing body’s independent governance committee. Who are you governing and what do they govern? Corruptible footballing dictators who look like fictional eggs?

Bad Attitude

As we steady ourselves following the onslaught of abuse in the wake of England’s supposed underwhelming performance, and how the beautiful game has been marred by inflated wages and bad attitudes in recent years, it’s comforting to remember that Roy Keane has existed for a while.

Roy Maurice (yes, really!) Keane is back – and looked a lot like a grizzly fisherman/ Chatsworth Road “creative” – with a new autobiography The Second Half, which made the news this week, when it was falsely claimed that he said what we we’re all thinking by slagging off Manchester United fans.

But others don’t get off so lightly, not least poor old Robbie Savage. Keane allegedly never called the Welshman back about a possible move to Sunderland, after he left a “Whazzup!” voicemail message, leading Keane to the conclusion he couldn’t be “f*cking signing that”.

Rio Ferdinand also gets a taste of his #OwnMedicine (sorry) when Keane questions how – whilst also very firmly stating he was quite sure he had not been up to no good, which probably isn’t for legal reasons – it was possible that Ferdinand forgot to turn up for that drug test in 2003, which resulted in an eight-month ban.

Not even the colour blue is safe from Keane’s wrath – he doesn’t “like f*ckin’ blue”.

Push It

But the fun doesn’t stop with Roy Keane admitting he once head-butted Peter Schmeichel! Fisticuffs between present-day Premier League rivals dominated the football headlines in the early part of the week; Arsenal Boss, Arsene Wenger, “shoved” Special One, Jose Mourinho after he tried to prevent him wading through Chelsea’s technical area.

The image of the two managers squaring up to one another, and Wenger’s subsequent “little” push (you can see when he’s really trying, apparently) has made me chuckle more than Robbie Savage’s terrible voicemail banter.

If it came down to it, I think I’d back Wenger in a fight. He may be 981 years old, but he is taller and he definitely looks like he means business. Either way, he isn’t sorry and I can’t blame him for that. I bet we’d all quite like to push Mourinho, with varying degrees of severity.

Read more from Jen Offord here!

Follow @inspireajen

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