Let me give you an exclusive that’ll make the tabloids jealous, by telling you the real reason why I have disappeared from the face of the earth…
Following my transfer, I literally started turning blue inside. Whenever the manager didn’t pick me, my face became the chameleon to my kit, transforming into a hideous sky blue like Papa Smurf. Not being selected, probably for this reason and not my outstanding potential, has caused great upheaval and distress in my life.
It is with deep regret that I wish to tell you about my secret, second life away from football. Have you ever been to Harry Potter World? It’s an enthralling place of magic and wonder, where dreams come true. Forget playing for the Premier League champions, this place takes your breath away. And this, dearest agony aunts, is why I work there during the weekdays to save my sanity. I’ve even resorted to sneaking the invisibility cloak from work to the club training ground, so no one can recognise me ever again. Not till I’m a regular team starter!
How can I get my career back on track? Is it worth picking up Mr Martinez’s phone calls? I can’t face the embarrassment of failure anymore. It’s time to for something magical to happen… I can feel it in the air!
Thanks for your help guys. I’ve sent through three witch hats, cloaks and discounted tickets to Harry Potter World via the flying owl post service. They may take a while. I suggest Kait leaves her window open; otherwise you could have a squashed owl called ‘Manuel’ on your window sill. Not pretty.
In hindsight, was it a poor decision by Jack Rodwell to move to Manchester City? Does he need a transfer in the summer? Is a move back to The Toffees a realistic proposition?
You can read our other Offside Agony Aunts right here!