The Offside Agony Aunts – English Referee Wants His Mojo Back

Dear Agony Aunts I spy with my little eye, something beginning with O. Actually; I think it begins with G. Giggs? Gerrard? I think the answer I’m looking for is glasses. Urgently.

After weeks of rummaging behind the sofa, I’ve finally found my spectacles! It’s all a bit too late though, isn’t it? This weekend has been a terrible storm, I’ve been a mariner all alone riding the waves! I’m absolutely gutted to have mistaken an Ox for a Gazelle. How hard can it be?

It’s been a tough weekend to take that’s for sure. Graham Poll texted me saying that at least I hadn’t shown three yellow cards or been accused of treachery. Not sure if that’s a compliment. Since my disastrous Saturday, I’ve spoken to Michel Platini and Sepp Blatter about the help officials need. I’m confident there won’t be a need for reform (a word that sends shivers down the spines of governing bodies), but perhaps football would be better with referees wearing speedo-style specs? It’s the future, and I’m the pioneer!

If Saturday was the worst day of my career, Monday was a rubbish dump of spam e-mails and leaflets from opticians far and wide. If only referees were allowed goggles, we’d be the coolest thing since Edgar Davids. Us refs really are at sea, fishing for those divers.

I won’t shirk from what I must say. I’ve apologised to Kieran Oxlade Chamberlain and his brother Alex Gibbs. Should I be brave and book an appointment at Specsavers? Or maybe slip a monocle inside my pocket for the next round of Premier League games? As Arsene Wenger says, one accident doesn’t make you a bad driver. I do feel bad for eating his celebratory 1000th match cake, even if it has been a comfort over the past week.



Did Marriner get off lightly after the Gibbs gaffe? Do we need more technology in football to assist referees with their decision making?

You can read our other Offside Agony Aunts right here!

Follow @ShafLdn

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