The Offside Agony Aunts – English Football Manager writes in…

Dear Agony Aunts What matters to you? I don’t mean fairy cakes or chocolate pudding. I’m talking about the real stuff, and I’m in danger of sounding like a grumpy old man. I’m sickened by the daft ideas fans have now. They must be bonkers to think every Tom, Dick and Guardiola can somehow conjure up sexy football.

Is it possible to play beautiful and win? I’m not sure at this moment in time. I’m a man of pragmatism – he who dares, shall conform. But I’m having an identity crisis, dear agony aunts. The fans just won’t see who I am. Stubborn, yes. Practical, probably. But I’d like people to remember that they don’t call me Big for nothing. When it comes to change, I’m in my element. At Bolton, the boys laughed off my idea of Tai Chi. I brought the likes of El Hadji Diouf and Nicolas Anelka to spice up some of the most unglamorous places you’ll ever visit. I even incorporated sports science at a time when only a handful of managers would’ve thought about it.

Pessimism is rotten, it’s everywhere. Just look at the repercussions following the way the Venkys shafted me out at Rovers. Gritty experiences such as these that toughen up the hardest of men. I’m sorry if you don’t like my utilitarianism. If a dog resembles its owner, my star man Carroll encapsulates what I am all about. Hard graft, passion, and strength.

Now that I’ve steered my team away from the threat of relegation, I’m wishing for an end to the bonkers booing. It’s not even Panto season. Onwards and upwards!

Till next time


Were West Ham fans right to boo their manager? How important is to you whether your club plays “attractive football” or not? Are the Hammers now safe from relegation for another season?

You can read our other Offside Agony Aunt letters right here!

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